SYBERSMA o@ca.on.york_county.toronto.globe_and_mail 2003-09-23 published
Paul Dirk SYBERSMA
By John GRAHAM,
Michelle
SYBERSMA Tuesday,
September 23, 2003
- Page A24
Family member, friend, entertainer. Born February 2, 1974, in
Stratford, Ontario Died August 15, of cancer, aged 29.
Paul's birth was a family tragedy, or so it seemed at the time.
Within hours it was clear to his mother, Susan, an experienced
nurse, that there was something "wrong" with her new son. He
was soon diagnosed as having Down Syndrome.
Our initial visions of his parents facing an awful choice between
early institutionalization or unrelenting family disruption were,
of course, the result of ignorance and old stereotypes. Nonetheless,
parenting a Down Syndrome child -- especially following the death
of Paul's father, Dirk, in 1987 from leukemia -- was no "walk
in the park." Susan once noted that the difference between raising
Paul and his older brother Mark was like the difference between
growing a rose and a weed: The rose requires constant pruning
while the weed thrives with little attention.
But what rewards! With his sparkling blue eyes and disarming
smile, Paul was at heart an entertainer who loved a captive audience.
He practised his show tunes with a strong, if not always on-key,
singing voice and spent hours in his room rehearsing his dance
moves.
Like any good entertainer, Paul had self-confidence and "presence."
At weddings, his brother's prediction that Paul would dance with
the three most beautiful women in the room inevitably came true.
And he had a propensity to adopt new roles based on the latest
movies. For example, Halloween was an opportunity not to collect
candy, but to perfect new characters and to cast his obliging
mother as his foil. From Batman and Catwoman, the Joker and Poison
Ivy, to Darth Vader and Princess Leia, Paul and Susan were enormous
hits as they visited Friends.
The close proximity of the Stratford Festival and his mother's
artistic interests led to Paul's developing Friendships with
professional actors and dancers. This created new opportunities
for our family entertainer -- quite astounding ones, in fact.
For he soon had an agent and, to the surprise of all of us (you
can imagine the envy of his many cousins!), he had parts in two
movies - -- one starring Marlee Matlin (Freak City) and the other
with Kirsten Dunst, Kathleen Turner and James Woods (Virgin Suicides).
Following these "triumphs" Paul acted as his own agent, making
sure everyone he met -- from waiters in the Caribbean to complete
strangers at home -- knew about them. And his acting success
led to motivational speaking engagements. On one memorable occasion,
he gave the keynote address at a symposium for special-needs
children.
His love of movies combined with his discovery of e-mail led
to yet another remarkable development: he taught himself to read
and write. Up to that point no teacher or family member had been
able to motivate him. But endless watching of his favourite movies
combined with close-captioning gave him the key to becoming a
prolific e-mailer. Moreover, his style, with incomplete sentences
and few words on each line, was distinctive, if not cryptic.
One cousin compared it to the Japanese form of poetry, haiku.
Paul brought out the best in us and he also made it legitimate
to become an uninhibited child again as we danced, sang, hugged,
watched endless movies, played video games, wrestled, enjoyed
silly jokes and carried on as adults seldom do. For this, we
are forever grateful to Paul.
His painful death from malignant melanoma left Friends and family
with a profound sense of loss. Uncharacteristically, his "timing"
was off. He died within a few months of assuming a new role:
that of an uncle. He would have played it with gusto, confidence,
good humour and determination -- traits all of us might emulate.
John GRAHAM is Paul's uncle, Michelle
SYBERSMA, his sister-in-law.
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